We all have experienced the tragedies, mania, depression and despair of this disease. Lately, I have been going through an extremely stressful time, regrettably of my own making. My mind is spinning like a top, panic attacks are frequent, almost daily. Depression is manifest, my sleeping patterns are erratic. More and more pressure and repercussions keep coming my way. And knowing I created this mess is truly devastating.
However, I have picked up the shovel and am slowly digging myself out. It is time I became a solidly responsible adult. I try to project an image of competency but it isn’t always working and I am so embarrassed that I don’t want to talk about it much. I don’t want to put the burden on others so I only share with a couple of people. But I am sharing and that counts for something.
Being in that pile of poop is truly a tough time but I am trying really hard to do certain things:
1. I take courage in the fact that more bipolar people are creative than those in the regular population.
2. One Step at a Time – I can only succeed that way. Whether my mind is spinning out of control, I can only move one step at a time and doing it that way begins to slow my mind down
3. Compartmentalize – realize I can only do so much, in a certain order, and each hillock on the pile can be addressed without destroying the whole
4. Be good to myself. Bubble baths, oil treatments, kombucha, a good meal I took the time to prepare . . .
5. If all else fails, and I am worn to the nubbins’, take a nap, recharge.
6. Share with someone – it really does lighten the load
I have the ability to slow the spin, it takes a lot of effort, and the help of other people, but that pile of poop can become manageable.