Working Within the System

Why is it so hard to fight for our rights? As Disabled persons we have a greater need for services than many but either by our own inabilities to disseminate the proper information to the proper authorities, coupled with, the inflexibility of a system that has fewer and fewer resources and people who are not properly trained to handle our population . . . nor necessarily have the attitudes and empathy to know that, for most of us, our mistakes are not our fault.

I am on disability and lost my benefits January 1st, not because I was trying to beat the system but because I couldn’t understand and follow the system. There is a chance my benefits will be reinstated, of which I will be eternally grateful if they are but there is still a huge, dark cloud floating above me. I need to appeal to nullify the 16+K they have been sitting there watching for several years as it accrued without my understanding of the system and my repeated thinking “Surely this will be okay, am I doing anything wrong?, if they haven’t contacted me, I must be okay.”

It took every bit of my courage and preliminary preparations to handle the 2+ hour interview but I did it. As I was sitting there, my legs were cramping continually and I had to stand as I was talking to her, my neck and back were in pain, and my skin was itching all over. This as I was telling her the diseases and conditions which brought me there in the first place.

I still have to go to an Accountant for the first time, at a cost I can ill afford. And the Appeals process still needs review. Finally, I am locked into a set amount of money. If I go over it by even a dollar, I lose my benefits . . . for good. So, this case I am working on, I can’t earn more than that amount and I often have to work extra hours so those hours will be for free.

There was a time, years ago, when my mind wasn’t as impacted as it is now, that I had to have the school districts I was working in to pay me $2 less an hour than was contracted just so I could work the hours needed.

Yes, I am Disabled, but I need to be a productive, contributing member of society. I need to be of service. I need to help people, and I know there is a purpose to my work that God has in mind for me. So I struggle through the morass of the system, hoping they see I am worthy. And pray – a lot.

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